Poor, poor Miami Hurricanes

This was my email response to some hack down in Florida, complaining that Miami (the 6-6, Miami mind you) gets to play in poor little Boise's MPC Computer bowl game.

Dear Mr. Berardino,

It was only too predictable to read your column complaining about the "elite" Miami program having to venture to lowly Boise, Idaho to play on our "Smurf Turf". Incidentally, who came up with that name? None of us here can figure that out since it's not even the same color blue...

What I found really amusing was your put down of the Old Pen tour, "Did you know, for instance, that the "Old Pen," as it's called, dates to 1870 and is described on its official Web site as a "castle-like fortress" that provides "a view of prison life in the West"?"

I mean that's REALLY funny. I would like to think of that trip as educational for most Miami players, given their sterling performance in the on field brawl with Florida International. I can hear the tour guide now..."For most of you Miami players this will become a familiar sight."

Oh, and your last few lines, "So in the same week, UM should get to play on a blue field and see a red bear. Oh, and the 'Canes should see plenty of white stuff as well while in the Bogus Basin. It's called snow."

Please, stop. That's about as original as former 'Cane Michael Irvin holding crack pipes "For a friend. It's not mine." On the other hand, that was a good tip to UM players. That white stuff is snow, not the other stuff, but you can still go ahead and sniff it if you want to.

Here's hoping the Wolfpack stomps you. Play nice.

Hey, I'm famous! Kinda....

I order some fantastic supplements from Dr. Dave in Pennsylvania. I recently entered a contest to come up with a catchy slogan for his company, Dr. Dave's Best. Well, I won most original entry (my slogan was "Improve Your Health, Ignite Your Life." and I made a cool banner also). My prize was some $$, and free products. Pretty cool. Plus, the good Dr. Dave is using my testimonial in his email ads....I received this one today:

I told you the other day about some folks wondering what I look like now. That was one of the main reasons I included the photo of me with the initial intro of our Ultra Strength Fat Furnace (sold out in less than 24 hours!).

But my products aren't about me, they are about you. What can you do, what can you achieve, what can you change in your life for the better. Here is a little pep talk from someone who is listening.

"I've been using your supplements for about a year now, first starting out with Super Omega-3 fish oil, then adding Regenerizer, Hercules Factor, and Fabulous Fat Furnace. Have they worked?Absolutely! I went to the doctor about 3 weeks ago for a checkup; the nurse said I was down 10 lbs., my blood pressure was perfect (no more medication for me!) and that I looked great. I told her that I still had 10 lbs. to go for my goal, but I have no doubt that by exercising and using Dr. Dave's Best, I will get there!"
Thanks, Rudy Vaughn

Thank you, Rudy and congrats on your progress.

I hope you will follow along with me over the coming months as we go through the Holiday season into 2007. I hope you will personally make it your mission to follow as much of my advice as you can.

It works.

It works for me.

It works for Rudy.

It will work for you too! You can get there stay there and be there in a better life and a better body easily. Here is Rudy's routine:

Fabulous Fat Furnace http://www.drdavesbest.com/products/fabulous-fat-furnace.html
Regenerizerhttp://www.drdavesbest.com/regenerizer.html
Hercules Factorhttp://www.drdavesbest.com/misc/hercules-factor.html
Super Omega 3http://www.drdavesbest.com/superomega3.html

Now, where's my supermodel girlfriend??

He's alive! Alive!

Hola Mi Amigos,

It is an interesting feeling lying on an operating table unable to open your eyes, yet still be able to hear the voices of the doctors and nurses as they work on you. I even heard one nurse say, “This guy hasn’t moved at all during this.” I remember thinking, well I haven’t moved because A.) you have me strapped down and sedated or B.) I’m dead and haven’t left my body yet. I guess it was “A” because I’m here typing this rubbish to y’all.
To those curious few who want to know what it feels like. Take a golf ball, cut open one side of your face near your nose, insert golf ball and sew back up. I think once the swelling goes down I’ll look pretty normal, different for sure, but more or less normal. I’m wondering not only about the physical scars but the emotional scars this will leave. Goodness knows I already carry enough of both of that type around.
You know that saying about a persons face having a lot of “character”? Well I think that I might have some “character” of my own after this. I’ve always thought that was a kind way of say a person was “funny or weird looking” or in worst cases, “fugly”. I hope that I can create some kind of sexy story to explain to girls what happened, (oh, I’ll eventually tell them the truth, but it’s nice to create the air of mystery).
Anyway, I’m doing pretty good and hope to get back to the grind after a few days rest. Thanks to all of you who put out the good thoughts for me, they surely helped. I’ll yak at y’all later.

Bonjour,
Rudezen

Ah, you little moviephiles.

Nice try on the movies boys. The kee-rekt answers are:

1. Big Trouble In Little China
2. Dogma
3. Grosse Point Blank
4. Grosse Point Blank
5. Monty Python and the Holy Grail
6. The Seven Samurai

Thanks for playing along.

November 14th...Operation: Frozen Section

The night before the night before, as it were. In a couple of days I will be going under the knife to (hopefully) correct skin cancer on my nose. Could be a simple case of a few layers of skin or, in my darker moods, I will be confined to a life of deformity.

The wind is howling outside right now, don’t know if another storm is coming in. Rain suits me right now. The cold, the bleakness, the emptiness – it seems to be reflecting me.

I have had a few nice conversations with friends these last couple of days, assuring me that everything will be okay, but we don’t really know do we? The doctor seems a nice enough fellow, no hand tremors that I could notice. (Must remember not to wear cologne on day of operation – no sneezing allowed, slips with the knife and all).

Great book recommendation to any and all who read this; Ghost Rider: Travels on the Healing Road, by Neil Peart. Yes, that Neil Peart – the drummer from Rush. He’s an excellent writer (duh) and his story is very moving. He lost his only child in a car crash and ten months later lost his wife. The book is about his travels by motorcycle around North America as he nurtured his “little baby soul” back to life. I haven’t been down half the path that Neil has, yet I can identify a little with what he experienced. And as he is one of my influences, it was nice getting to know what he’s like away from the drum kit.

I’ve been asked if I’m afraid of the upcoming operation. The answer is no (see my post about fear earlier). I’ve decided that fear will not run (or ruin) my life anymore. Perhaps it’s time I nurture my own “little baby soul” back to life.

There’ll be no “before and after” pictures, but kind thoughts and crossed fingers are welcome. I’m taking a few days off after the procedure, hopefully all will go as planned. Who knows, maybe they’ll even make me better looking! (Ha). Oh, and the saying about “cutting off your nose to spite your face” is definitely out.

Cheers,
Rudezen

Tell me why...

Why is it the world never remembered the name of Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfernschplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-nürnburger-bratwurstle-gerspurten-mit-tzwei-macheluber-hundsfut-gumberaber-shoenendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm?

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

Chris Pirillo.
Chris Pirillo.
Chris Pirillo.

Name That Movie...part 2...ooo...several movies.

When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the barroom wall, looks you crooked in the eye and asks you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol' Jack Burton always says at a time like that: "Have ya paid your dues, Jack?" "Yessir, the check is in the mail."

To answer that: human beings have neither the aural nor the psychological capacity to withstand the awesome power of God's true voice. Were you to hear it, your mind would cave in and your heart would explode within your chest. We went through five Adams before we figured that one out.

"If I show up at your door, chances are you did something to bring me there."

"I just honestly don't know what I have in common with those people anymore... or with anyone, really. I mean, they'll all have husbands and wives and children and houses and dogs, and, you know, they'll have made themselves a part of something, and they can talk about what they do. And what am I going to say? 'I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork. How have you been?' I just think it'll be depressing."

Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

Villager: How can we find a samurai we can pay with only rice?
Gisaku: Find hungry samurai.

Name That Movie....part 1.

'Lo, there do I see my father.
'Lo, there do I see My mother, and my sisters, and my brothers.
'Lo, there do I see The line of my people...
Back to the beginning.
'Lo, they do call to me.
They bid me take my place among them.
In the halls of Valhalla...
Where the brave...
May live...
...forever.

Well dear reader (jeez someday I might have more than one), I've decided to post the pic of the new car. That way I don't have to send emails to friends that want to see it. Instead I can direct them to this here blog....(see, there's a method to my madness).

And yes, it does go fast.

We're all in this beauty together!

Anything outside yourself, this you can see and apply your logic to it. But it's a human trait that when we encounter personal problems, these things most deeply personal are the most difficult to bring out for our logic to scan. We tend to flounder around, blaming everything but the actual, deep-seated thing that's really chewing on us.

Welcome to Halloween, 24/7

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

Holy typo! It's a new post.

Yes, it's true. This is a new post - and perhaps marks the beginning of a new era in my life.
Ooooo.....you want details? Tough. I'm not ready to share that yet.

The Realm of Atland

There is a great site out there - www.realmofatland.com. It's a very funny fantasy tale written and illustrated by Nate Piekos. The great thing about Nate is that he loves to interact with his fans...and occasionally give them the chance to participate.

Welcome, citizen. I will not bore you with details of why I'm here, suffice to say that I am.