Poor, poor Miami Hurricanes

This was my email response to some hack down in Florida, complaining that Miami (the 6-6, Miami mind you) gets to play in poor little Boise's MPC Computer bowl game.

Dear Mr. Berardino,

It was only too predictable to read your column complaining about the "elite" Miami program having to venture to lowly Boise, Idaho to play on our "Smurf Turf". Incidentally, who came up with that name? None of us here can figure that out since it's not even the same color blue...

What I found really amusing was your put down of the Old Pen tour, "Did you know, for instance, that the "Old Pen," as it's called, dates to 1870 and is described on its official Web site as a "castle-like fortress" that provides "a view of prison life in the West"?"

I mean that's REALLY funny. I would like to think of that trip as educational for most Miami players, given their sterling performance in the on field brawl with Florida International. I can hear the tour guide now..."For most of you Miami players this will become a familiar sight."

Oh, and your last few lines, "So in the same week, UM should get to play on a blue field and see a red bear. Oh, and the 'Canes should see plenty of white stuff as well while in the Bogus Basin. It's called snow."

Please, stop. That's about as original as former 'Cane Michael Irvin holding crack pipes "For a friend. It's not mine." On the other hand, that was a good tip to UM players. That white stuff is snow, not the other stuff, but you can still go ahead and sniff it if you want to.

Here's hoping the Wolfpack stomps you. Play nice.